For many years I looked at my life like a case law, a series of proofs… underlying it all there was a presumption that I was moving on an upward path toward some elevation where… I would be justified, or even condemned—a verdict anyway. I think now that my disaster really began when I looked up one day—and the bench was empty! No judge in sight. All that remained was the endless argument with oneself—this pointless litigation of existence before an empty bench. Which, of course, is another way of saying—despair!